Hi everyone! I hope all of you had a wonderful Mother's Day. Mine was perfect. Sunday morning we went to Christ Church of Magnolia where our son is the pastor. Following church, my sweet son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter took us out to lunch. My Mother's Day gift was the coolest, self-inking address stamp. I love it so much! On the way home, we stopped by our daughter's house. She, along with her husband and my two precious grandsons gave me a charm for my bracelet. It has the sweetest mother and child on it. I am so blessed to have such a sweet family. Oh, and I don't want to forget the lovely perfume and body lotion set my wonderful husband gave me. Thanks, Babe!
Now on to the subject of this entry. What does it mean to be a Mom? I am one of those really antiquated women who knew from the time I was a little girl God's plan for me was to be a wife and a mother. My baby dolls were the best cared for in town. Flash forward to 1976 when I had my first "real" baby. Our daughter was born during Allan's last semester of law school. Believe it or not, we planned it this way. (I know. What were we thinking?) We had one car, Allan was working and going to school, and I was home with a baby who only slept in 15 minute intervals, who was allergic to milk, and who suffered from colic for the first three months of her life. I loved this baby more than life itself, but the ideas I had of being the perfect Mom disappeared. I found out being a Mom means accepting the fact you aren't perfect, and still trying really hard anyway.
When our daughter was around 4 months old, we moved back to Florida. The hardest part of this was not having any family around. Our son was born in 1978. He slept a lot and was such an easy baby. I guess this was God's gift to me to balance out the difficulties of my first experience. Don't get me wrong. I never blamed our baby daughter for the rough road we traveled together. I blamed myself. Somehow I just knew her problems were the result of my shortcomings as her mother. For me, being a Mom meant carrying a lot of guilt.
After the baby stage, things smoothed out for me, and I began to get a little more confident in my abilities to mother my children. I was a room mother for one or both, and I weathered the challenges that seemed to present themselves even when our children were young. I tried to rely on my intuition which I have always regarded as God's way of guiding Mom's, and for the most part this never let me down. I did find that sometimes what my intuition told me to do flew in the face of what was currently regarded as the more popular (and/or acceptable) methods of child rearing. For instance, I was (and still am) a believer in seeing each child as an individual. Some are ready for certain experiences before others, some have to ponder new skills and figure them out before they attempt them while others like to literally hit the ground running. I have just always believed there is a distinct purpose for each stage of life ~ babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood, preteen, adolescence ~ you get the picture. And I truly believe each stage should be experienced in the way that comes naturally to each individual child. (I will explain how I came to this conclusion another time.) This is when I learned a Mom has to be a devoted advocate for her child/children. She must also be strong enough to buck the system and to fight for what she thinks is right for her child, even if it means confrontation with said system. Now I knew being a Mom meant being strong in your convictions and being brave when it comes to defending them.
The teenage years were the toughest for me as a Mom. We faced a lot of challenges during those years as a family. No matter what the struggles we were going through, Allan and I always participated in our children's activities. We also continued to be advocates for our children when necessary. In retrospect, we realize we trusted our children too much, and we also really were clueless as to the amount of peer pressure they were dealing with. I think, as a Mom, I felt the fact I had always put my children before almost everything else would somehow protect them from all potential negative influences. I believed, since I had always regarded them as gifts from God, that God Himself would somehow imbue them with extraordinary heavenly protection. I know. It's hard to believe I could be so naive. This is when I learned being a Mom is really, really tough.
In 1995, Casey had his accident. I won't go into the details here. I may never really discuss them, because the facts don't exactly match a lot of the information that has circulated in the last going on 16 years. I have always believed I should let people believe what they will, because I still have my son and this should be enough. I will say this was the longest, darkest time of our lives. Before you start thinking, "Okay, now here comes the pity party.", I have to say it also began a time of miracles and of closer communion with God for our family. I am contemplating doing a "miracle" post now and then. It isn't my intention to preach (Our son is so much better at that than I am.) nor is my intention to project an attitude of self-righteousness. I only want to encourage those who might read this blog and find hope through my life experiences.
But I digress. The whole point of this post was to try to touch briefly on what I feel it means to be a Mom. Let me see if I can say it simply and concisely. Being a Mom means wanting the best for your child and at the same time being a little forgiving of yourself if you can't always give your best. Being a Mom means following your instincts and doing what you believe is best for your individual child rather than to conform to what everyone else thinks you should or should not be doing. Being a Mom is loving your child for who he/she is, not for his/her exceptional intelligence, his/her outstanding talent, or his/her "cute as a button" appearance. Being a Mom is realizing that parenting books can be helpful, but also realizing every child is different. It's okay to use these books as references , but not as parental laws that are to govern every child. Being a Mom is not comparing your child's development unfavorably with another child's. No child has ever gone to kindergarten in diapers, for instance, so don't fret if your child isn't potty trained by the time he/she is two (or 18 months or whatever the goal of the moment is). Being a Mom is loving your teenager even when they are at their most frustrating and also having the strength to be their parent, not their friend. Being a Mom is letting your children fly away when the time comes ~ with no strings attached. It also means letting your children know the door to your heart remains forever open any time they need to return and sit with you awhile.
Until next time. . .
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